we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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