Someone shit on the floor
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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