Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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