She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
