I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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