so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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