$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
