I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
