It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
