alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
