I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
