He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
