I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
