I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
