That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my liver is dry heaving
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
