walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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