I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
