Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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