how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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