my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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