Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
