Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
