So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
