I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
