He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
