One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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