Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
