i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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