I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
