Your dad touched me again.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
