??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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