So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
