Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
one might say we're banned from that church
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
