This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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