lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm gonna have a badass scar
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
