im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
