he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
