i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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