im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
