WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
