Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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