I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
