someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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