Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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