my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
