I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
