she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
