my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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