dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
