i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
